The Kitchen Blog

Cooking, Gardening, Angst and More. Including Job Search Tales and lifestyle tips about island living.

Soul Crushing Wind

All last night and all of this morning the wind has blown a gale. The yard is littered with limbs, all the stuff of childhood--toys, trinkets from the beach, rope and jackets left outside--are strewn across the property, some pressed so hard through fencing as to appear almost strained.

The power has heretofore stayed on, but it is expected to go out any minute. Every few moments the house is slammed against by natures force. The walls shake and my brain rattles. I've had to go out into the gale 5 times already to rescue items flying past the windows and for chores. The icey blasts are cutting through everything. The chickens were reluctant to leave their coops and I fully expect them to be stripped naked before lunch.

But the worst blow, the most maddening fact of this wind is the Polytunnel. It is almost destroyed. The brand new plastic I put on it during the summer is torn in several places, the door ripped from its hinges, and several of its ribs are bent out of recognition. I can't see how it will last much more of this torment. $800 smashed by air. Shredded and with it my hopes for vegetables this winter and early spring.

It's not so much the money at this point. It is the futility of my efforts. But I lie. It is the money. Without work, and without a way to grow some sort of food and prisoned on this blasted (literally) island for another winter I am not sure how much more of this I can take. I can only think, "Why does God hate me so?" Sure I don't mind suffering a bit. I do that every day with back pain and near-poverty, sliding deeper in debt by the minute.

I have skills and talents which are being wasted. 5 years of limbo and more trying to get off of this rock. Family, pets, livestock, a house full of stuff and a storage unit packed with a life we haven't ever known--much of which are only-opened-once wedding presents from 15 years ago--all new items awaiting a house and a situation which will fit them. Not easy to move to a cardboard box under the viaduct. Not easy to cram into a duplex on the wrong side of the tracks.

This wind has pushed me to a breaking point. But that's not true either. I will weather the storm, a little bit more of myself blown away, the twisted and bitter hulk of a man a little more bare for the exposure. With my back pinned against the wall I don't know where to go anymore. I wish to God this wind would go away and leave me alone, or blow some money and good fortune our direction.

posted by: ChefNeal at November 10, 2006 09:40 | link | comments (2) |
wind, storm, rage, mentally exhausted

Comments:

#1  10 November 2006 - 21:00

 

But then at least someone nearly half way around the world will read and think fuck - podchef down, what can I possibly do to help? Well, very little from here apart from say that I really enjoy your podcasts and always think that it's good that you're out there working hard to do all the stuff you do. The rewards will of course be miserable, but we both know that the flip side is that you'll sooner or later be disproportionately well-rewarded for something trivial. Karma's strange, but I think it's real. So none of what you do is a waste.

Ahem, anyway of course I just got in from the pub. Now, I'm not sure how long after your post I'm writing but all I can think of is you need a windbreak in front of that polytunnel. Do you have a neighbour with a horsebox or some kind of truck? All I can come up with right now.

And if it's too late for the tunnel, at least get a good sleep. Take care, you have many friends out here.

jimbo

#2  10 November 2006 - 22:55

 

Jimbo,
as always thanks for the words of wisdom. My self-pity party is largely over. I'm still plenty peeved about the polytunnel--my own fault. Not like I didn't know there wouldn't be wind sooner or later--it's all part of living 20 miles out at sea.

Perhaps this is all part of what really boils my blood--there's no pub on this blasted island! Of course I've dealt with that for the past 15 years as well.

So, tomorrow, now the storm has passed and the deluge ended I will venture forth from my hovel and see what I can do about the polytunnel and the rest of the damage.

Thanks for being there and drink a pint for me!

ChefNeal

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